The England Snob Returns: Finally, Some Sense

The England Snob
Jan 29
2 min read

Well, it has finally happened.

After a season of brave effort, continental optimism, and a back line that was clearly doing its best despite an obvious and totally unprovable flaw, Westchester has at last addressed the elephant in the room.

They’ve signed a Brit.

Now, many pundits, analysts, and people I personally overheard in my own head have long speculated that Westchester’s struggles last season stemmed from one simple issue: a complete lack of English defensive influence. No accent. No ingrained sense of when to hoof it. No instinctive understanding that a clean sheet is morally superior to vibes.

That problem has now been resolved.

"Surely, the next Craig Fleming." - The England Snob

We welcome Charlie Dickerson, defender, native of Norwich, England, or as he’ll be known henceforth, Chazza. A proper centre half. BIG EAST pedigree. Started every match. Anchored a back line. Words that already feel reassuring.

Coming from Norwich, Chazza is obviously cut from the same cloth as the great English defenders of lore. I’m not saying he’s the next Craig Fleming. I’m just saying Norwich has a history of producing defenders who understand spacing, positioning, and the sacred art of looking disappointed while jogging back into shape. Think of the lineage. Think of the tradition. Think of a lad who grew up knowing that 1–0 is the perfect scoreline.

Soccer County will suit him just fine.

And just as this long overdue English correction arrives, the United Soccer League has decided to do something even more sensible.

They’ve adopted a structure that looks suspiciously like the English football pyramid.

USL Premier now sits atop an interconnected three-tier system alongside the USL Championship and League One. A proper ladder. A proper pathway. A proper acknowledgement that football is meant to be earned, not franchised.

Promotion and relegation is coming in 2028, which means accountability, consequence, and the delicious possibility of chaos. As football intended. No closed doors. No safety nets. Just clubs, communities, and the quiet fear of finishing second from bottom.

Naturally, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that this is how it’s always been done in the civilized footballing world. But we won’t gloat...much.

Westchester signs a Brit.

The league finds a backbone.

The American game inches closer to sanity.

You’re welcome.